"If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets."

"That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it."

"Humor is just another defense against the universe."

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die."

"The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky"

"Oh, come on. If you can't laugh at the walking dead, who can you laugh at?"

"I was simply furnishing a home. I love music ... and I don't think a $130,000 indoor-outdoor stereo system is extravagant."

"Any institution which does not suppose the people good, and the magistrate corruptible, is evil."

"The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant."

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects."