"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever."

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."

"Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angles to San Francisco live there?"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."

"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."

"PASSPORT, n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad, exposing him as an alien and pointing him out for special reprobation and outrage."

"I told you I was sick."

"September tries its best to have us forget summer."

"When a woman behaves like a man, why can't she behave like a nice man?"

"When my heart can beat no more I hope I die for a principle or a belief that I have lived for."

"The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets."